Skintland

Posted: April 13, 2012 in Media
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“With that extremely offensive cover alone The Economist has managed to insult every community in Scotland.”

“After seeing your front page I’ll be boycotting the Economist. I’m offended at your racist image of Scotland.”

“Your ‘Skintland’ cover is extremely offensive and juvenile.”

“I would buy this magazine in the airport on occasion but NO MORE. I’m genuinely offended – particularly at the cover. You can stick your magazine where the sun does not shine!”

The above image is a version of the new Economist magazine’s front cover (presumably for a UK edition). Somebody has gone to a lot of effort to change the names of places and areas in Scotland to play around with financial terms, and it’s very amusing on the whole. My home town Stonehaven even gets in there! However, not everybody is happy with it. It seems lots of Scots are “offended” by it. Many logged onto the Economist’s website and posted comments to that effect, as seen above. Elsewhere people speculated that it can’t be a real Economist cover and must be a fake, an idea that has been debunked by the website and their own Twitter feed.

Are you offended by the cover? Or do you find it funny or even just a little amusing? To be honest it’s a good thing that Scotland gets this much attention on the front cover of such an established magazine. It’s eye-catching, and it gets people talking and debating the most important issue in this country in recent times. But offensive? What is “offensive” anyway? Just yesterday Ricky Gervais was interviewed (skip to 50 minutes in) on Radio 5 Live, having to defend his new Derek comedy drama on Channel 4 before it had even been aired, and he made a great point about crossing the line. Gervais spoke to Richard Bacon on the phone as the show was broadcast from Aintree at the start of Grand National weekend.

Ricky Gervais: “What line? Who drew this line? I’ve never drawn a line. I can justify everything I’ve done, and I don’t know what this line is. People see these imaginary lines somewhere. Offence is not about right or wrong, it’s about feelings, and feelings are personal. I’m offended by many things but it’s nothing to do with whether it’s right or wrong, it’s just my personal opinion.”

Richard Bacon: “What offends you?

Ricky Gervais: “Well…your Aintree. I don’t think people should make horses jump over things being whipped, and then when they injure themselves they’re put down because they’re not worth hanging around, for economic reasons, and basically a beautiful majestic beast that took two billion years to evolve has just been slaughtered, for fun. But…I don’t go to Aintree! That’s how I do it. The only valid form of any sort of censorship or ideas in art is the right of people not to listen.”

A few seconds after he adds:

“Comedy drama is so subjective, it’s the same with offence. Just because you’re offended, it doesn’t mean you are right. Some people are offended by mixed marriages. Some people are offended by homosexuality – they’ve just banned a word, in exams, the New York governing board…fifty words suggested not to use because they may offend – one of them was ‘dinosaur’.”

So yeah, be offended at the Economist cover if you like. But don’t believe everybody else should be. People will not make their judgement of the issue based on the cover – however they may be swayed to buy the magazine and read the content and that’s where understandable differences will lie. The main article online is very interesting but it will be looked at very differently depending where on the independence line you stand. Nationalists see it as unbalanced, biased and lacking in true factual information. Those against independence see it as the truth. Surprise, surprise!

What can be certain, and the article points this out early on, is that deciphering the state of Scotland after independence is impossible at the moment. Will we be “an impoverished backwater”, a land “flowing with oil and money” or will we carry on almost as we do now? Every political party, interest group and individuals have their own thoughts and feelings on this and their own statistics supposedly backing up their stance. Until the vote is taken, the referendum is complete, and only if we nod in favour of independence, will we then have to wait for the powers-that-be to secretly negotiate our fate in the dark, dingy corridors and meeting rooms of Scotland and Britain’s respective governments. And not even those involved will currently have any clue how long those negotiations will last and how successful they will be.

Groom With a View IV

Posted: October 5, 2011 in Other
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Cake-tasting: good fun!

It’s been just under a month since my last post but that’s just because not much has happened in that time regarding the big day. Michelle and I got a few things done before that time, that I haven’t mentioned yet – stuff like cake-tasting and getting it ordered, and visiting the kilt shop to try on what I’ll be wearing on the day. That went quite well, unlike the second time I went there to get my best man sorted out – the customer service wasn’t great, put it that way.

Still, that’s another thing ticked off the list, and at least I know I have a best man now. Up until a few weeks ago he’d been living and working in a submarine for 3 months in an undisclosed location and probably didn’t expect this honour to be thrust on him quite so soon! But I’m glad he’s going to do it, although I must remember some ear plugs when it gets to speech time…

There’s around 12 weeks to go so I feel I can officially get scared! Not scared about the day itself, more worried that we’ve forgotten something or a hitch is on the horizon. I’ve taken everything in my stride up until now but time is getting short. I started my last year of university the other week, and it won’t be easy – there’s a lot of work to be done. I also begin a new job today, which I’m quite excited about.

I wanted a new part-time job months ago but completing that task turned out more difficult than I hoped. Then lo and behold as soon as I began to give up, my fortunes changed and an opportunity presented itself to me – isn’t that always the way. If Michelle’s dad had managed to find a babysitter we’d have all gone out for dinner at the original time and we would have never have had the time afterwards to go to the shop where I’m now going to work!

So, not long to go. A stag do is on the cards, although what shape it will take hasn’t been fully decided yet. Along with that I have a new job to learn, two literature essays to get on with, a report outlining my dissertation topic to be done, a website to create and fill with real news stories featuring video, audio and written reports, and The X-Factor to avoid.

I don’t know which part will be hardest!

Groom With a View III

Posted: September 9, 2011 in Other
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Am I now too grown-up to find this movie funny? Probably not...

I assume when most people decide to get married they start doing things they hadn’t thought about before, and have conversations they didn’t see coming. It wasn’t long ago that my friends and I were going to music festivals, drinking lots and sleeping little, running about like fools and dancing in giant tents to live music with our faces painted in ridiculous neon colours. Compare that to the other day when I found myself in deep discussion with one of these same mates about marriage costs, puking babies (his, not mine…) and council disputes over the legal definition of a bedroom. It’s all rather grown-up and, for someone who’s still a student, a little weird at first but it puts a new perspective on your mates. Who knew we’d stop spending all our time together smashed on Stella, blabbering on about 90′s Italian football and watching Freddy Got Fingered on DVD?!

I’ve also found myself on websites I never knew existed – most days I (like many others I’m sure) spend the majority of their online time on the same sites each day. Even when I’m trying to learn something new or research something I’ll use sites I trust more than others and not stray much further from there. But nope, lately I have been on loads of random pages explaining the creation of wedding cakes, forums dedicated to wedding theme discussion, and of course groom guides – because I also need to know what happens on the day other than the dumbed-down-for-guys standard order of ceremony, reception and consummation…

There are other things that happen during the planning of a wedding which I guess most males (and females) would never even realise they were doing unless it was pointed out to them. @chickenprincess on Twitter linked me to a cool post about how men are portrayed when it comes to wedding planning. Michelle would agree with me (because it’s true) that several times she’s asked a question and I’ve replied with, “Whatever you want is fine with me” or, “I don’t really have a preference”. Most of the time it’s true – in those instances, I don’t have a preference. Other times I probably do but I answer like that because I’ve been unknowingly programmed to think that that’s what is expected of me.

I’m a guy – I know sod all about planning a wedding! But what I do know is that Mich has taste (she’s with me, after all…) and most of what she suggests will be awesome. I have faith in her abilities. However, she would also tell you that when she comes up with an idea or a plan, I will immediately bring her back down to earth and ask questions. People need to see ideas from more than one side. I may not be clued in on the entire schedule of the day, which colours clash and what starter goes with what main course, but if something sounds a bit tacky or a little too much I’ll pipe up as best as I can.

I said in the last post what the most difficult part to plan has been, but a close second would probably have to be the choice of a song for the first dance. Most couples have a “song”, right? Not us. We’ve tried (half-heartedly, I suppose) for a long time to force a piece of music to be “ours” but it hasn’t really happened. I won’t blame it all on Mich for insisting she gets reminded of me every time she hears the Black Eyes Peas, but that’s a big part of it. God, I hate the Black Eyed Peas. I freely admit I like my fair share of crap – I tend to enjoy songs with funny lyrics, none of which would be suitable for anything other than for my personal amusement.

It’s been a lot of fun trying to find music we both like, wedding or not, but even narrowing down genre has been problematic – Michelle likes girly pop such as Noah and the Whale, Robbie Williams, Florence and Marina while I might prefer something a little more upbeat and edgy; she loves some types of classical music but isn’t interested in 1940′s jazz like me; and her rock picks include My Chemical Romance whereas I’m still stuck in the past with Jimi Hendrix and Steppenwolf. There are actually loads of tunes we like but picking a suitable one for a first dance took a while. It’s just one of those things – a lot of people would have it settled immediately, but I’m quite glad we got to think about it and exchange ideas (and trawl through Spotify for ages…).

So far, so good!

Groom With a View II

Posted: September 7, 2011 in Other
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"Umm, I don't think we'll be able to make it...!"

It’s quite difficult writing about yourself rather than something else. I’m not one to paste all my thoughts, feelings and adventures over Facebook and Twitter, because I know that the majority of people don’t care. Unless you’re trying to be amusing I don’t see much point in posting a couple of words online here or there whenever something happens on a TV show. Or expressing that you’re tired and can’t sleep. Or you’re drinking tea but won’t even have the decency to tell us what kind of tea it is.

Anyway, I figured writing about myself on my own blog is okay – you don’t have to click the link to get here if you’re not bothered. I do have to be careful about what I say for a couple of reasons though. One, I’m really writing for two people which makes the task even more complex. I’ve always just thought about myself for a long time, and except for really close friends and a few others I haven’t really trusted many people. Maybe I watch the news too much. But now I have somebody else to think about, and that’s a very good thing! Second, I can’t go revealing too much about our plans because the mystery is part of the fun! So I apologise in advance with the vagueness but I’m not gonna let cyberspace know everything about me, sorry.

Within a brief period of time Michelle and I have discussed and planned almost everything that needs to be thought of for a wedding (well, more people were involved but I’ll get to that at some point!). The average length of engagement in the UK is around 18 months, whereas ours will be just under five months! That looks scary written down, but I realised that many couples get together because they want to be married rather than get married. Why waste time? I’ve known Michelle for around five years now and I’d like to think that when you get to your late 20s you’ve experienced enough to know when something is right or not.

There was a fantastic article posted on the Guardian website at the weekend which you should check out – readers sent in their dilemmas when planning their weddings and ended up running off and hitching in secret. Particularly have a look at the pragmatists, the civil partners and the furious bride sections. Like I mentioned in my first post, we were going to bugger off to the west coast of Scotland, find a nice little place and marry with little to no fuss. We would have happily had a massive party at a later date, as some do. I kept asking Michelle to continue to think about the options, however – imagine what it would be like a week, a month, a year later and try and figure out if you’d be upset or have any regrets about not having certain people around on the big day.

And that’s when it really did turn into a big day!

I’m not going to go into detail about invitations and guest lists here but I’d say it’s by far the most difficult thing to sort out. It’s not been 100% settled and I doubt it probably will be until right up to the day. You don’t want to upset people but you also believe that folk will understand that you only want close family and friends there. The other thing to juggle is that Michelle’s parents both have new families and my own family is somewhat smaller. I think so far we’ve done really well to make it a non-issue though. There will be (and have already been) pull-outs because Christmas is a busy time of year, and the unpredictability of the December weather means anything could happen! All I do know at this point is that, if there’s going to be booze available, some guests will brave any type of weather to get to the venue…!

I’ve got so much more to write about but I’m going to wait until later and, eventually, I’ll have caught up on all the happenings so far. I’m sure you can’t wait!

Groom With a View

Posted: August 31, 2011 in Other
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“Let’s run away and elope.”

“…Okay!”

That was all it took – a throwaway statement on gmail between a man sitting at home on his laptop, bored, twiddling his thumbs waiting for uni to come around again, and a woman sitting in an office in Holland staring out the window at the rainstorms (and working hard at the same time too, of course). I don’t know exactly how much Michelle was joking when she suggested we simply just disappear somewhere for a weekend and get married, I think maybe she just wanted a wee holiday, but it sounded a good idea to me. In an ideal world I’d have already made it happen, I just thought we should maybe live together a bit longer first. Also, I’m totally punching above my weight, so I was told last week. It’s true though!

I’m not one to get too excited about things until they are actually happening, but this is different – I’m very excited! Perhaps it’s because we’re not waiting very long, like some of my good friends. They are getting to enjoy the engagement phase and take a relative amount of time planning things out. We don’t have that luxury; in fact we wanted to run off and get married by October, but after some deliberation and realising that Michelle’s mum would be devastated if she wasn’t there to see it (and rightly so), we’re doing it in December a few days after Christmas. As things began to take shape we realised it was only 20 weeks until the big day and, you know what, that’s the way it should be if you can manage it. You have a budget, a list of what you need, and you get it all organised at the same time – no time to think much about major changes, no time to ponder over little tweaks, no time to get cold feet!

“All you have to do is show up and say ‘I do’, Raymond.”

Sounds like the perfect deal for a male, but it’s not strictly true. In fact, it’s not true at all. I’ve been conned! Being the groom, I don’t actually have to do much with organising but it helps to keep involved and know what’s going on and offer advice. Because it’s my day too, isn’t it? Thankfully I don’t have to think much about flowers, shoes, colour scheme (I probably just said ‘anything but pink’), and booking many other things, but I did track down the person who will conduct the wedding and a couple of other things which I will hopefully write about soon. One important part of the day I have left my mark on is what the tables will be called at the reception. However, my very serious initial choice of Father Ted characters with quotes inside the name plates was unfortunately shot down…

Finally I have something quite interesting (well, I hope) to write about here, something that I never expected to happen in the near future, so my aim is to post about the plans and how everything is panning out as we get closer to the end of the year. It also gives me the chance to name and thank those who are putting in a massive amount of their time to help organise everything, describe how it’s all going from my point of view, and explain why Michelle and I have decided to do certain things.

Bottom line though, of course, is that it’s all happening because I love her damn face!

Ain’t Heard Nothing Yet

Posted: July 28, 2011 in News, Politics
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"Eh? Who's this? Rebekah? Thanks for the phone, what a wonderful gift, bless you!"

Newsnight was just on as I wrote this, and they kicked off by saying, “Just when you think the phone-hacking scandal can’t get any worse…” This is in relation to the discovery that Sarah Payne’s frail mother most likely had her phone messages targeted by the tabloids, possibly The News of the World, even though that paper’s staff and editor Rebekah Brooks were best buddies with Sara Payne throughout the whole ordeal and beyond. She even wrote a piece for the last ever News of the World calling their workers trusted friends.

There’s parts of this story that doesn’t add up, but I’m more concerned about the Newsnight intro. Just when we thought it couldn’t get any worse? Of course it was going to get worse, and it will continue to get a lot worse. Brooks herself mentioned it when telling her NotW staff that they were all being let go even though all the allegations were focussed on the time she was editor, nothing to do with the current regime. Anyway, she said there would be revelations in the next year or two that would justify why the paper had to close.

It should not surprise anyone that Sara Payne’s name has cropped up during this investigation. But we are told it’ll get worse, and it will. I have no proof, obviously, but I’ll put 20p on almost all major newspapers getting caught up in this (some will get punished more than others though), and both the police and the government will get dragged into things even more than they are at the moment.

And, sooner or later, we will learn that somebody somewhere was instructed to try and intercept the voicemails of every single MP over the time alleged, every single person who has been on the front page of the papers, every major company head, every Premiership footballer, every up-and-coming British musician, and every major film star. Royalty, presidents, dictators, the Pope, dead celebrities, scientists, terror victims, police officers and Rupert flaming Murdoch himself will have had their phones hacked, if they had one. Aliens too, probably. And staff who were being too ethical and moral would be punished by being forced to open the phone book, write out the numbers and then hack their landline messages too.

- This might be putting it too simply, but it’s how one news channel put it so I’ll stick with it. The powers-that-be in the United States are arguing over the plan to sort out the country’s dire finances. Obama’s lot want to do one thing, the Republicans are holding off from agreeing with Obama because – get this – they don’t like him. So because of that reason, if things stay as they are next week, the US won’t be allowed to raise their debt ceiling, they will no longer officially be able to pay for anything, and it will most likely trigger a global economic disaster because, y’see, the economy is just that these days – global. One political party are willing to tip-toe the whole world towards the shit because they are simple-minded racist pricks.

Arseholes. You’re meant to be in charge of the “greatest country in the world” and a group of responsible adults. Here’s my message to you.

Would You Go Public?

Posted: July 17, 2011 in Media, News
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Biggie always did say it best.

Nagging at my mother to stop buying the News of the World finally paid off. Well it really had nothing to do with me, since it doesn’t exist anymore. And so today mother continued to disobey me by instead purchasing the sunday editions of the Express AND the Star. Christ. Who do you think was plastered all over those papers today? Katie Price? Cheryl Cole? Milly Dowler’s folks? Course not. It was the new multi-multi-multi millionaires, Chris and Colin Weir from Ayrshire!

The couple who won £161 MILLION earlier this week in the Euromillions game went public the other day and told everybody on the planet who they are, what they look like, where they live and who their kids are. Nice one. Put yourselves in their shoes for a minute or two. Could you do the same thing? Would you want to go public with such news? Would you want your face all over the front pages within days of your win, with negative stories about your new-found unfortunate circumstances all over the place?

I can’t for the life of me figure out why they did it. They just don’t look like a couple who would want the attention – in fact they said themselves they wanted to stay in their current home, eating chinese…they liked their life doing bugger all each week. How much pressure do the lottery suits put on you to go public? It’s obviously what they would want. How much preparation do you get before you go public? Which small details do you get told about that you might not think of? For a start their children have had to erase themselves from Facebook and the rest of the internet which will of course have ruined their lives already – technology is the way forward I’ll have you know.

I’m pretty sure any of you reading this would be severely pissed off if, a few streets away from you, the post office has bags of beg mail just waiting to be chucked into your garden, with more on the way. Those hooligans that hang outside the shop down the road start playing in your nicely-trimmed hedges and swinging on your gate instead. And you also have grown-up deluxe hooligans with long coats, cameras, and a direct line to your voicemails sitting on the wall across from your house.

One of the Weir’s neighbours has already said he’s no idea why they’ve gone public – it will cause an eternity of headaches for a couple who already look vulnerable. There would be headaches either way but this just increases the problems on a massive scale surely. Why tell everybody? I already feel like I know too much about these two ‘normal’ people just by watching a press conference and reading an article or two. There’s a fear that people really don’t realise (or want to realise) just how much information there is about them in the world that, in future, they’d really rather not want folk to know, no matter how small the detail. It’s like those Facebook status updates you get of one person telling their loved one a multitude of things they could and should really just discuss via email, text or, y’know, TO THEIR FACES in the REAL WORLD.

What’s wrong with just keeping things to yourself once in a while?

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